Now here's something that we all need: Uncle Patrick's Advice to Children!

Don’t use one of those little Handi-Vac things to empty an ashtray. Because the inrush of air could potentially reignite any fading embers. And, uh, a big jet of flame might shoot out of the thing, surprising you and making you scream like a ten-year-old girl. And you might knock over your beer.

If you’re ever fishing, and a poisonous water moccasin swims up to try and eat one of the fish on your stringer, and you think that maybe flipping the snake out of the water and onto, say, me is a good idea, please reconsider.

Just because you can stick toothpicks in your forehead and they’ll stay there and it doesn’t really hurt all that bad doesn’t mean you should go ahead and do it, at Denny’s or any other restaurant.

I'm afraid I need to do a little trimming on my Friends list. I assure you that if you get dropped I'm not crossing you off my Kwanzaa card list or moving you over to my Enemies List (though such an implementation on LJ would be amusing...). If you have any questions, I would refer you to my Friends List policy on my userinfo page.